Societal Issue: The Hipster

In many lucky parts of the world, the Hipster doesn’t exist. But for anyone who lives in a Hipster populated area, this post is for you.

What is a Hipster?

For those that are not familiar with what Hipsters are, let me give you a brief overview. Hipsters can easily be spotted by their distinguished attire. They are often seen riding bikes, wearing very tight pants, and sporting an anti-establishment haircut. When you see Hipsters out at bars, they are often drinking PBRs and talking about Indie Rock (see: Yo La Tengo). Hipsters are also fans of irony and are known to wear clothes that reflect this interest.

Infiltrating the Hipster

Sun Tzu once said, “Know thy enemy.” With this idea in mind, I’ve devised a plan to infiltrate the Hipsters. The plan is to go out to a bar dressed as, and acting like, a Hipster. This is no easy task. I will dress in a tight fitting (read: female) shirt. Most likely one that depicts rain clouds with sad faces on them. I will also be wearing a pair of tight jeans – probably black – with a pair of Converse All-stars on my feet. My hair will be Faux-Hawked, and I will don a pair of black rimmed square glasses. Depending on the weather, I will also attempt to wear a tan corduroy jacket. While out at bars, I will only drink PBRs, and attempt to discuss Indie bands with any other Hipsters close by. I will also tell stories about almost getting hit by cars while riding my bike, which all Hipsters can relate to.

Being a Poser...

The biggest challenge I face by posing as a Hipster, is that many Hipsters are in fact, Posers. Yes, a large contingent of Hipsters are actually “normal” people posing as Hipsters. Why anyone would want to live prolonged periods as a Hipster is beyond me… but who am I to judge. But because these Posers exist, real Hipsters are keen on spotting Hipster-impostors. This being said, I’ll have to be extra careful when communicating with Hipsters and I must be very well versed on all the new Indie Rock bands. If I’m exposed, I’ll try to slink away before the Hipsters shout their Hipster-impostor call – altering all Hipsters that an impostor is among them.

Repercussions

Besides being spotted as a Poser by real Hipsters, I’ll also have to avoid the Meathead/anti-Hipster crowd. Meatheads naturally hate Hipsters and will often attempt to destroy them physically when seen. Most Meathead – Hipster interactions occur while passing each other on the street, knowing this, I’ll try to reduce my foot travel as much as possible. If I’m unfortunate enough to be spotted by a Meathead while out at a bar, I’ll have to rely on my quick wit to escape bodily harm. Luckily Meatheads are, by nature, stupid, so tricking them with circular logic shouldn’t be a problem.

Conclusion

Ultimately though, by infiltrating the Hipster populous, I will better understand how they tick, and how to manage my Hipster interactions. I’ll be sure to write a blog post after I have completed my Hipster infiltration – assuming I’m able to survive the night.